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The Republican debates according to a 9-year old

Sun Jan 06, 2008 at 01:59:36 AM PST

I've avoided watching the debates until now because I saw them as little more than exercises in media manipulation.  This time, I wanted to watch the Republican debate just to hear the other candidates respond to Ron Paul.  Unfortunately, I had a scheduling conflict so I asked a kid to take notes for me.  As the debate began, I drew a quick seating chart of the candidates to help the kid keep track of who said what and then ran off.  BTW - this is not snark.  This is a straight rendition from a 9 year old.  The only changes I made were for spelling errors (except the names).

It must have been more difficult than I thought to keep track of all the new names.  That's the only reason I can think of to explain why this  reporter devised a new naming strategy to keep track of the candidates.  Aside from that, it seems they got all the high points.

Follow me below the fold for the 9-year old's rendition of a fight between Sarge, Wrinkles, Bunny Ears, Oily, Beagle Eyes and Carrot Face...  

:: :: 8ackgr0und N015e's diary :: ::

They are rude
Interrupt alot!

Beagle Eyes
Arrogant foreign policy
We need 400,000 troops
Don't let politicians get involved
Leave it to military with blood on their boots.

Carrot Face
President policy good
War good
Patriot Act good
Electric snooping good
Capturing Saddam mistake
Surge mistake
Clinton peace dividend bad
We need more troops
We need more ships

Constitution has 10 Amendments
Immigration is bad
Secure border from immigration
Bush right
America is safe
America is not safe
America is safe
Rumsfeld failure
Petraeus is good
Strategy was bad
Now it is good

Sarge is confusing

Bunny Ears
We are bullies
If not listening we bomb them.
If listening we give them money.

Oily, Wrinkles and Carrot Face are making fun of Bunny Ears.

Carrot Face
Olympics got attacked

Fight. Fight. Interrupt. Fight.

New topic

Healthcare best in the world.
War funds for health care
10% inflation
Inflation needs to be under control

They don't need Hillery care?

Bunny Ears
People go to India for heart surgery
airplane + hotel + surgery = 50% of cost in America.
People don't have health insurance.

Wrinkles is making fun of Bunny Ears again.  

Wrinkles and Oily fighting about man dates.  
Oily says man dates are ok sometimes.  
Wrinkles doesn't like dating men.

Back to health

Beagle Eyes
Get everyone insured!
We have disease care.
Affordability is good.
$1,000 for Kleenex in a hospital (no way!)

Incentives to keep cost down.
The power of the pharmaceutical companies.

New Topic

Republican elephant hate democrats
Temporary work program.
Secure borders

Beagle Eyes
We are all God's children

Carrot face
12,000,000 illegal immigrants
Juliani was a mayor.

John Micane never supported amnesty
Charge $5,000 to stay
attack ads

Immigrants should not be rewarded

Fight.Fight. Interrupt. Fight

Do not sent 12,000,000
Ronald Reagan on some commercial.

New York is a Sanctuary City
Send people to the end of the line to live there.

Beagle Eyes
They can deport themselves.

Bunny Ears
Get rid of income tax
oil costs $100 per barrel.
Inflation bad.
dollar down
gold up
oil up

Oily, Sarge, Wrinkles and Carrot Face making fun of Bunny Ears.
Beagle Eyes is listening to Bunny Ears.

We need wind, solar, nuclear
Reduce green house gases
Reduce gas emissions
Reduce our demand

More about amnesty
Legal immigration good

New Topic

Obama doesn't have the background to lead.

No candidate likes Obama.
Republicans don't think he'll be a good president.
Obama gonna win.

Here is a list in case you haven't already figured out which nickname refers to which candidate:

McCain   = Sarge
Thompson = Wrinkles
Paul     = Bunny Ears
Romney   = Oily
Huckabee = Beagle Eyes
Giuliani = Carrot Face



( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 6th, 2008 11:50 pm (UTC)
LOL!!! Gotta love it. Do you mind if I link to this? I think my other lj friends would find this wonderfully refreshing.
Jan. 7th, 2008 01:23 am (UTC)
Sure, you can link to it -- or you could re-post the text and provide the link back to the DailyKos site. :-)
Jan. 7th, 2008 02:01 am (UTC)
"No candidate likes Obama.
Republicans don't think he'll be a good president.
Obama gonna win."

Haha. I love it. Hope she's right.
Huckabee as Beagle Eyes. Brilliant.

Jan. 7th, 2008 05:29 pm (UTC)
Oh my god, I LOVE this. "Fight. Fight. Interrupt. Fight". Doesn't that about sum it up? So much wonderful hilarity and truth. I love the very straightforward summaries: "Inflation bad." Ha! And the nicknames are brilliant. Will this kid be President one day? He's probably too smart for that.

Thanks for sharing; this made my morning.
Jan. 7th, 2008 07:56 pm (UTC)
I think we should have 9 year olds sum up all debates. I caught a little bit of it on NPR yesterday and almost fell asleep at the wheel. After the migraine from all the overtalking and what not. Fantastico!
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
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